9 Greeting Cards Unsuccessfully Marketed by Hallmark

1. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I got one... I got real snippy.
2. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... Don't fret about your wife though... She's moving in with me.
3. I heard you had herpes... and I feel terrible... I'd say "Get well soon"... but I know it's incurable.
4. My tire was thumping... I thought it was flat... when I looked cat the tire... I found your cat... Sorry!
5. So you lost your job... It's one of those hardships in life... Next time, work harder... and stay away from the boss's wife.
6. So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... look at the bright side, she's a really good lay.
7. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.
8. You totaled your car... and can't remember why... maybe it was... that case of Bud Dry
9. You've announced that you're gay, and won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one... of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.